‘The List’

It’s that time of the year when the word ‘list’ seems to be on everyone’s lips. Come the new year, this list is one that lots of us ritually make to announce our goals, dreams, plans and intentions for the year ahead.
I seem to start thinking about ‘the list’ around October. It’s the beginning of the home stretch of the year and a time when I start reflecting and taking stock of how the year has gone, the highlights, the low-lights and everything in between. What seems to naturally flow from this is looking ahead to the new year.

It’s always exciting thinking about what a new year will bring. What adventures? What challenges? What successes and failures? Too often though, ‘the list’ gets written in a wave of new found enthusiasm and for the first month or so we’re really into it, going full steam ahead guns blazing on all our plans and goals until slowly ‘the list’ seems to disappear from view and gets buried under a pile of other papers or under ‘life’ and mysteriously vanishes into a black hole somewhere. We vaguely refer to it from time to time throughout the year until we eventually forget we even had a list (Honestly, do you know where your list is from last year or what was on it??)

In all my anticipation about the wild potential of a brand new year and the excitement of what could be, I am absolutely determined not to let this happen to my list this year so I’ve devised a plan of attack: Firstly, I’m putting the list in a place where I HAVE to look at it everyday…I’m a stickler for accountability and if I have to look at my own handwritten intentions everyday the chances of me actually sticking to them  increase astronomically! Secondly, I’m giving a copy to a few trusted people that I can count on to be on my back about it when I need them to be and to keep me motivated along the way. Thirdly, I’m putting some checkpoints in my diary to prompt me and remind me to stay on track or get back on track if derailed along the way and last but not least I’m making a conscious decision to be flexible but still intentional with ‘the list’. What does that mean? Well,  for someone like me who likes organisation, benchmarks, schedules etc….a list is perfect because it’s a visual tool that has an end goal/result and gives me something to practically work towards. Flexibility is so crucial though because if we’re too rigid with it or a bit overambitious when we set out on making the list then often what we produce is unrealistic and unworkable which only sets us up for being discouraged when it doesn’t seem to be coming together the way we hoped it would. By keeping it flexible it allows us to make changes and refine the list along the way.

Don’t leave it too long before you put some pen to paper and get a list of your own happening. There’s no tricky formula except to do it in whichever way you think will position you for the best outcomes. Have fun with it, let yourself dream BIG and see where it will take you!

Happy list writing!

What World View?

Whether you realise it or not we all have a world view. A lens through which we look to see, interpret and interact with the world around us. This is what gives us a reference point for life. A focal point from which everything else emerges. Your worldview influences how you think, how you relate to others, how you make decisions, how you spend your money and what you invest your time into. Essentially it influences every aspect of who you are and what you do.
Some people question the need for a world view at all but from my point of view it seems so critically important that the question is really how could you NOT have one?

Most people aren’t even aware of what their world view actually is, generally because they’ve never been asked to actually articulate it. The thing is, it’s operating in your life all the time whether you’re aware of it or not so it’s important to know where you sit. What would you say if I were to ask you today what your world view is? If you’ve never really thought about it much before take some time out this week to ponder it and see what you come up with.

For some their world view is based upon faith and/or religion, for others it’s in the earth and nature, others in the state or government, others still in love or the quest for power. Perhaps even in self or human race. I’m not going to go into all the technical terminology of all of these  (I could be writing for days) but just some food for thought that I wanted to deposit today for you to chew over this week.

Your world view is your launching pad without it you won’t get very far.

It’s the little things…….

I had a dream this week. It was set in the not too distant future and it was one of those dreams where I was both in the dream and also an observer of the events unfolding in the dream. I’m not someone who dreams often but when I do it’s always extremely vivid and the contents of the dream usually ends up playing out in real life. In this particular dream, I could clearly see the faces of friends that were there, where exactly we were and what we were doing. I don’t want to give too much away just yet but it’s suffice to say that it was an amazing dream! Depending on where you sit, you might call this kind of dream a premonition or a prophesy or merely just an overactive mind but whichever way you look at it it’s moments like these (well at least for me) that give me that little boost, that little glitter of excitement, a fresh gust of air in my sail to keep me going and to keep me pressing forward in life especially on those days where you’re feeling generally O.I. (Over It!). So often it’s the little things that keep us going just long enough to reach the BIG things in life, the BIG moments, the BIG achievements, The BIG breakthroughs, The BIG changes, the BIG celebrations, The BIG decisions, the BIG plans, The BIG dreams, The BIG ………….

Those little things aren’t throw aways and should never be underestimated. They might seem momentary and fleeting but their impact can last a lifetime and could be the stepping stone to the end goal. The dream I had this week reminded me to not to dismiss the little things that happen in my life but to be on the lookout for them everyday and to draw energy and motivation from them. In the past week these are some of the ‘little things’ that have made my world a brighter place: A facebook message from a friend encouraging me to get moving on a project I’ve been wanting to undertake; meeting a new friend over dinner who’s working in the field I want to move into and was willing to answer all my questions about it; catching up with an old friend for coffee and chatting about our hopes and plans for the future; my husband telling me everyday this week that he believes in me and last but not least, the kids sleeping long enough for me to get this post done today! There are probably more than this but you catch my drift.

The point is, the little things really aren’t so little when you think about it. Don’t despise the day of small beginnings. Don’t waste another week daydreaming about ‘the next big thing’,  it wont make it come any faster…trust me! Be satisfied with the little things, knowing that they are all leading somewhere.

Last but certainly not least!

This may be the last installment of the birth order series I’ve been posting but by no means are those born last any less significant than their older siblings!

For those of you who may be reading this blog for the first time, I’ve been doing a book review of sorts over the last few weeks on a book I read recently on the subject of Birth Order by Dr Kevin Leman, a New York Times best-selling author.

I’d like to note that as with any subject matter dealing with people there are always variables and exceptions and for that reason the themes and typecasts adopted in this book wont be a perfect fit for everyone and nor does it claim to be. But whether you feel it’s an accurate portrayal of you and the people in your family and the families around you, it’s definitley an interesting read and a challenge to make and take the time to understand each other more and hopefully gain some insights into why we are the way we are. We’re a mysterious and confusing bunch us humans!

So without further ado….may I present the ‘baby’ of the family:

Affectionately known as the ‘baby’ of the family, lastborns are typically outgoing and charming, personable, persistent, affectionate and uncomplicated. It’s the youngest children that most often assume the role of the family clown or entertainer. They are drawn to the limelight. This is perhaps because they are well aware they weren’t born as the ‘crown prince’ of the family so they opt for the role of ‘clown prince’ instead, hoping to attract their own fill of attention and praise from Mum and Dad.

From very early on in life lastborns are acutely aware that they are younger, smaller and weaker than everyone else in the family and their older siblings never let them forget it!

Being the baby of the family is a title that’s hard to shake. My mum still introduces me as her ‘baby’ – incidentally I’m turning 30 this year and am married with 2 babies of my own! Yet this doesn’t seem to deter her one bit…..I guess I’ll always be ‘her’ baby and you know what, I actually don’t mind at all.

The sad thing for lastborns is that often their achievements and milestones aren’t celebrated with as much praise or excitement because the parents have seen it all before. Parents are often all taught out by the time it gets to the lastborn that they either let the lastborn fend for themselves or the instruction on how to do things ends up coming from the older siblings.

Lastborns are used to being put down, picked on or written off and so it’s no surprise that they often grow up with an ‘I’ll show them!’ attitude.

Youngest children thrive on praise and encouragement. A little pat on the back and some positive affirmation is enough to keep a last born going for weeks. Because lastborns grow up with an innate desire to ‘measure up’ when they actually do measure up and succeed in things the momentum it gives them makes them virtually unstoppable. An injection of self belief and it’s look out world!!

Lastborn children often have an ambivalent streak as well. They often exist on a seesaw of emotions and experiences that they find hard to understand or explain. Lastborns can be charming and endearing one minute and rebellious and hard to deal with the next, quickly changing from powerhouses of energy to basket cases who feel helpless. We can feel on top of the world on Monday and at the bottom of the heap on Tuesday.

Lastborn children are also often guilty of lacking in autonomy and independence. This however is often not through fault of their own but due to the fact that they have been babied and had not only their parents but their older siblings treat them as though they were helpless and sometimes hopeless and unable to do anything for themselves. If you are a parent reading this and you’re frustrated with your lastborn’s level of independence and common sense even, it’s likely that your frustration is somewhat self induced!

One of the greatest things about lastborns is their willingness to take a risk and change things. Their spontaneous nature keeps things fresh and exciting though for an organised, planned and calculated  first born this trait in a lastborn is almost unbearable.

When it comes to getting married a study of 3000 families  show that the best match for a lastborn is a firstborn. Seems I made the right choice marrying my firstborn husband! At work here is the ‘opposite attract and are good for each other’ factor. (This is not to say that other combinations wont end up happily ever after of course!). A balancing out of characteristics, of strengths and weaknesses making for a good team. According to the study the firstborn teaches the lastborn to be more organised and goal oriented, while the lastborn helps the firstborn lighten up and not take everything so seriously. Looking at the lastborns I know I can see how this is true in some cases but it’s actually the opposite for Matt and I, he’s the firstborn who is very driven and has high expectations of himself yet is outgoing and has a relaxed attitude about life whereas I am definitely the baby of the family yet am organised and generally very focused.

Middle children and lastborns are also a good match. The middle child, typically strong in negotiating and compromising pairs up well with the socially outgoing baby of the family. Middle children are more likely to open up to a lastrborn as they don’t feel as threatened by babies of the family as they might be by firstborns.

When a lastborn marries another lastborn there is the potential (but not always) for chaos. Keys for this match-up are active listening and communication and strong accountability to ensure that their is focus and direction in the relationship and in your life together.

No matter what your birth order and that of your spouse, what counts is how you use your particular strengths and how you modify or deal with your particular weaknesses.

Well that brings us to the end of the birth order series. Hope you enjoyed it and that it gave you something to chew over!

Til next time…..

Stuck in the middle

Here is part two of the Birth Order series I’ve been blogging about. I apologise for the delay in posting this one but we’ve been plagued by Winter’s sickness in our house and are just beginning to climb our way out of its clutches….finally!

So, that brings us to the Middle Child.

The typical middle child can be the second of three, the third of four or the fourth of five and so on. middle children can be categorised into anyone who is not the oldest or youngest in a family. However, it’s probably more accurate to look at middle children and second born children as one and the same as they have a great deal in common (this is because many families now stop at 2 or 3 children). So for the purpose of this blog when i refer to the middle child I am also referring to the second born in a family. Note though that second born children in large families often take on a functional firstborn role even though they may display more characteristics of a middle child.

Middle children tend to be a bit of a mystery. In the family setting it’s not uncommon for middle children to feel left out, un-special and often ignored. This is because often they feel like they’ve been born too late to get privileges and special attention the firstborn received by very nature of being born first. And they feel as though they were born too soon to get the benefits many lastborns enjoy, that is having the parents lighten up on discipline and strictness.

Each child looks above, sizes up the older sibling, and patterns his life according to what he sees.

The middle child or second born child will be most directly influenced by the firstborn. The middle child or second born child will often go in a completely different direction to his/her older sibling choosing different interests and hobbies to excel in, in order to gain their own sense of the spotlight. If however, the middle child feels he can compete with his older sibling he may choose to go in the same direction and if successful enough you may see a role reversal occur in a family where the second born child takes on the functional role of a firstborn. This is something I discussed a bit in the previous post about birth order variables so you can glance back to refresh your memory if needed.

Qualities of a middle child

Mediator, compromising, diplomatic, avoids conflict, peacemaker, independent, loyal to peers, many friends, a maverick, a good team player, secretive and unspoiled.

The middle child will be hard pressed to find many photos of just themselves in the family album. Most of their pictures will be invaded by the presence of their older sibling and there will be noticeably less pictures of the middle child as well! The parents have been-there-done-that when it comes to capturing every living, waking second of the firstborns life and their feet have landed back into reality so to speak.

Importance of Friends

Because middle children tend to feel a little left out at home they often tend to spend more of their time with their friends than their other siblings do. Friends make the middle child feel special and individual in their own right. Friends become another kind of ‘family’ for the middle child. As a result middle children or second born children tend to make friends quickly wherever they go and adjust quickly to new environments and surroundings. The middle child is also the one who will often leave home first because they have an independence and a free-spiritedness about them.

Middle and second born children are good mediators. Stemming from the fact that they didn’t have mum or dad to themselves and didn’t experience life without another sibling around where everything went their way, they learned to negotiate and compromise early in life. These are great skills to have and often mean that middle children are the best-adjusted adults in the family………….which obviously the first and last born children will disagree with!

Studies show that middle children are the most secretive of all the birth orders.

The Burned Child Reaction

You are more of a closed book than an open one

If this applies to you, you could be displaying the ‘burned child’ reaction. The burned middle child often experiences the world as paying them less attention than their older and younger siblings. This leads them to play their cards close to their chest. They will generally only confide in a small number of people. This can be a positive and wise attribute  but can also be detrimental as middle  and second born children often take this secrecy into relationships and marriages. The partner of a middle child will have to be someone who listens and is patient enough to draw their spouse out. Most of the time they wont even realise they’re being secretive or not communicating with their partner as best as they could be.

Middle children tend to be mentally tough and independent, qualities acquired while learning to cope with rejection and being the third wheel while growing up. Studies also show that middle children are most easily embarrassed, they would however never admit this as that in itself would be embarrassing. Middle children are also fiercely loyal and far more likely to stick to their commitments than other birth orders.

In My World

While I’ve been sitting here writing this post the faces of the middle children and second born children I know have been flashing across the movie screen of my mind. All of them quietly independent, fiercely loyal, definitely free-spirited and almost all of them diplomatic peacemakers. In my own observation it’s often these middle children that find it the greatest challenge to figure out who they are and what they want to do in life. Perhaps this is because they are highly skilled and independent in lots of areas? This might also be because they feel less time was spent on them in growing up / discovery phase of life? Or because they’ve become so accustomed to being compared to their other siblings that they’ve had to fight harder to identify their own passions and find their place in the world. If that’s you, keep fighting for it!

As a parent the key things to look out for when parenting your second born / middle child would be to remember that they often feel ‘squeezed’ and dominated from above and below so wherever possible give them the opportunity to voice their own opinion and make decisions. Make an extra effort to make the middle child feel special and unique and give them room to share their feelings – because they are generally ‘people pleasers’ they will often deny their true feelings if not given a chance to express them.

So it turns out that the middle ground is actually not a bad place to be. The infamous ‘middle child syndrome’ is not all entirely fact. It’s obvious that middle children have far less hang-ups and problems than firstborns and need far less ‘looking after’ than lastborns.

Perhaps the best word to describe the middle child is balanced. And in this topsy-turvy world, being balanced is not a bad way to fly

To all the middle children and second born children out there – I’d love to hear your thoughts on whether you think this fits or not?

Stay tuned for the lastborn / baby of the family post coming soon.

Part 1: First Things First – Firstborn

Do you analyze everything? Do you like to make all the decisions? Are you someone who jumps in to solve a problem? Are you a know-it-all? Do you have a tendency to sabotage yourself? Are you strongly opinionated? Are you perfectionistic and critical?

If you answered yes to most of these questions chances are you’re a firstborn.

Welcome back  for the first installment of the Birth Order book review series I mentioned in my last post.

Just a quick recap….The Birth Order Book by Dr Kevin Leman is a New York Times Bestseller.  I recently came across this book and couldn’t put it down so I thought I’d do a book review series on it here on my blog.

Today we’re starting with the firstborns or the guinea pigs as they’re affectionately termed. Dr. Leman has recently released a book entirely dedicated to firstborns entitled: The Firstborn Advantage. I’ll be referring to that book in this post also.

I would love to hear from some of the Firstborns out there (and anyone who knows a firstborn for that matter) on whether you think this is anywhere in the ball park for you.

I am NOT a firstborn but I  seem to be surrounded by firstborns in my life. I’m married to one, I have spent my life journeying with an older sister who is a typical firstborn, my mother is an only child (and therefore a firstborn), and many of my closest friends are also firstborns. What is amazing about all of these people is that they share many common traits but are also uniquely different in many ways.

Firstborns are the natural movers and shakers of the world. They’re the leaders. They can accomplish just about anything

Definition of The Firstborn / Only Child:

- This being the first child born in a family
Or the first child of that gender in the family
Or a child whose next closest same-sex sibling is 5 or more years older

Common traits of a Firstborn:

Firstborn children are generally reliable and conscientious. They are list makers, often black and white thinkers and very logical. They have a keen sense of right and wrong and generally like to stick to the rules. They are natural leaders who are achievement oriented and scholarly. They are  Hard working, determined and focussed.  Firstborns are often perfectionists and are typically analytical and love to ask questions. Taking initiative is a natural tendency of firstborns, and it’s this quality that often leads them to positions of leadership and management. In only children specifically, books are their best friends, they are mature beyond their years, independent workers and can’t understand why kids in other families fight.

There are 2 main types of Firstborn children:

Compliant, Nurturing, Caregiving Firstborn:
Compliant firstborns are generally good students and good workers. They are conscientious and reliable with a servant approach to life. They started out in life eager to please and often have a strong need for their parent’s approval and the approval of others in authority. They live with a tagline of always being the ‘responsible one’ and often feel bound to this title. They feel a huge sense of responsibility for younger siblings from parents. The compliant firstborn often takes a ‘grin and bear it’ attitude to life, the downside to this being that they are vulnerable to being ‘walked all over’ at times. Often quietly resentful but then are known to explode grandly when ‘enough is enough’

Aggressive Firstborns: Movers and Shakers:
While compliant firstborns have a strong need to be conscientious caregivers, the aggressive firstborns are assertive, strong-willed, high achievers that often have extensive leadership abilities. They set high goals and high expectations of themselves and will do whatever it takes to get there. This type of Firstborn has a huge desire to be at the top or to be the best. Powerful leader types and/or perfectionists.

Many Firstborn/only children find themselves up-front positions such as CEO, Prime Minister, Pastor, Business Owner, Entrepreneur or Team Leader roles – while other firstborns stay more in the background doing exacting work like editing, accounting and roles requiring large attention to detail.

Functional firstborns:

There are sometimes situations that occur in a family where for some reason the biological firstborn does not act as the firstborn in a family. For example in large families where there may be 2 groups of siblings (the older kids and the younger kids in which case the oldest of the younger kids will often have firstborn tendencies), the gender of the children in a family is also a variable – e.g a female may be the second born but the first female in a family of 6 children and in this family both the firstborn male and the firstborn female hold functional roles as the firstborn of each sex in the family. Another example would be a family of 5 children where there is 4 boys and one girl (or vice versa). In this situation the attention paid to the child who is the only one of that gender often results in firstborn traits developing. Other situations that may affect who the functional firstborn is, is in blended families, when adoption occurs, in families where there is an age gap of 5 years or more between siblings and when a tragedy or trauma occurs such as if the firstborn child has a major disability, accident or dies.

The Guinea Pig:

Firstborn children are in reality guinea pigs for their first time parents who haven’t got a clue what they’re doing! Have you ever noticed that the family photo albums are full of pictures of the firstborn child and that the second and third children have far less as many pictures in their baby albums and almost none of ‘just them’. Good luck even finding a picture of yourself if you’re born 6th in your family! I am already guilty of this. There are countless photos of Lucy capturing her every waking (and sleeping) moment all set out in beautiful albums and poor Finn’s pictures are still yet to be developed and have been on my ‘to do’ list…..for the last 15 months! Whoops…sorry Finn!  Anything firstborn children do is a big deal and it’s this attention that fuels firstborns to achieve. Some thrive on this attention yet others find the pressure of this unbearable. Many firstborns will remember their parents at one time or another saying something along the lines of ‘you’re the oldest, you should know better’, ‘Couldn’t you keep your sister out of trouble’, ‘What? You don’t want to take your brother with you? Well you can stay home then!’ and so on and so on.  Most firstborns feel that their younger siblings got it so much easier than they did and were allowed to do things such as go out with friends, having a boyfriend/girlfriend etc at a much younger age. A lot of firstborns feel hard done by in these areas to say the least!

As I read this section of the book on firstborns I had lots of flashbacks to moments in my childhood where these kinds of scenarios played out. In hindsight I have lots of empathy for my older sister who had to do the ‘hard yards’ while I got a comparatively easy ride! My older sister, Kym is amazing and she has been a very gracious firstborn. She had to wait until she was 16 to go out to a movie with her friends, I on the other hand (two and a half years younger than her) was allowed to go at 13…..let’s not even talk about going to parties with boys or getting my ears pierced!!

It’s no surprise though that with all this intense attention firstborn children experience their fair share of stress growing up which carries through into adulthood and the expectations they place on themselves. However, very traits and abilities that enable you to succeed at work and other activities will often work against you in your personal relationships and take its toll on your health. If you are a hard-driving firstborn it’s important to keep your stress levels in check!

The reality is parents do expect too much of firstborns. They are often forced to be the pace-setters, standard- bearers and babysitters which is an unfair weight to put on their shoulders. I can hear all the firstborns out there agreeing!

Firstborn friendships:

Firstborns generally tend to get along with people who are either older or younger than they are rather than people who are the exact same age.This is because firstborns spend those first few years bonding solely with their parents and then as younger siblings come along this makes up the majority of their time spent with others so they are less familiar with peer friendships than with other ages.

Getting Hitched:

So who is the ideal marriage partner for a firstborn you ask??? It’s the lastborn or baby of the family. This is because the first-and-last combination of strengths and weakness tend to complement each other. The fun-loving last born can teach the firstborn to relax and take things a little less seriously and the firstborn can keep the lastborn anchored so he doesn’t go floating off into space.

Of course firstborns will often marry other firstborns and live happily ever after. Firstborns tend to be strong-willed and hold very strong opinions so a large amount of compromise is key in this match up and being prepared to yield to each other. There will be challenges in any marriage of course but sometimes more challenges in marriages of the same birth order whatever position it may be and this is because being of the same birth order often means you share the same weaknesses and can tend to drag each other down in those areas.

Parenting a Firstborn/only child:

The greatest asset and greatest burden of a firstborn/only child is perfectionism. This may be disguised as discouraged perfectionism and look a lot more like laziness/disinterest. From when we are little we try to imitate people older/bigger than us and soon get the picture that you we have to be perfect to exactly imitate someone. Dr Leman uses this example: Emily is 5 years old and has had made her own bed. For a 5-year-old she’s done a great job. Mum or Dad comes in to check on her and says “Oh Emily, you’ve done a fantastic job making your bed!” Emily is happy – until she watches mum/dad start to straighten out a few crinkles in the bed. The message to Emily despite the encouraging comments – your bed isn’t perfect, it doesn’t measure up. When Emily goes to school it’s not surprising that she doesn’t cope well when she colours outside of the lines and already she has adopted a mentality that ‘if I can’t be perfect I won’t be anything at all’

Another major life moment for a firstborn is when a new baby arrives…..otherwise known as the sting of dethronement. No matter how well you prepare your firstborn, the arrival of #2 will always bring with it a natural rivalry. Your firstborn can’t help wondering why did they ‘get’ another baby? Wasn’t I good enough? Help your firstborn transition by highlighting special jobs and tasks that belong to them as the ‘big sister’ or ‘big brother’ and get them involved in the caring role. But be sure not to confuse your encouragement of them being bigger, stronger and smarter with being perfect. They will adjust with time and it’s important to give them that time – it’s a big realisation for a little person to grasp that things will never be the same in their family again, and it might take a while (or what seems like an eternity…so hang in there) for your firstborn to see this as a good thing !

One last thing….

A firstborn has innate skills that are hard to beat if he or she is balanced in life

Let me encourage all the firstborns out there, if you are firstborn use your birth order to your advantage, play to your strengths and you will be an unstoppable force in whatever avenue you choose to pursue in life! To those of us parenting firstborn children…Note to self…take it easy on your firstborn, be aware of your expectations and be sure to make them fair and realistic. Identify your child’s strengths and encourage those things and work with them on their areas of weakness and help them develop positive coping skills so that when things don’t work out perfectly in every situation (which we all know they wont) there are strategies in place to move forward. Since reading this book I’m so aware of the way I speak to Lucy, what I expect of her and I keep catching myself placing way too high expectations on her an them I remember she’s not even 3 yet!

I don’t know about you, but I understand the firstborn people in my world so much better now and I’m not as irritated by their tendencies as much now that I know why they are that way. That just about sums it up for the Firstborn/Only children. In my next post we’ll take a look at the ‘middle’ child and the infamous notion of ‘middle child syndrome’.

Chat soon.

First, middle, last…..and everything in between

I recently finished reading a fascinating book on the subject of Birth Order - This book was right up my alley and has been such an interesting read that I thought I’d attempt a book review of sorts in a series of posts over the next few weeks.

I love books. I love reading and always have. I must confess though that I am a tough critic when it comes to what I will and won’t read. I am a reader that MUST be captivated in the first few pages or it’s a lost cause. Once captivated however you will have to wrestle me to the ground to get the book out of my hands. If I am immersed in the text I feel compelled to read it until the last page is turned without blinking or breathing if possible! So when I recently came across this book on the fascinating subject of ‘birth order’ I instantly knew that I wanted to write a blog about it.

‘The Birth Order Book’ by New York Times Bestselling Author Dr. Kevin Leman (Revell, 2009) has sold of 1 million copies and it’s easy to see why. It’s a book that claims to uncover the mystery and age-old question of why you are the way you are.

According to Dr. Leman, an internationally known psychologist, your birth order i.e. where you fit in your family (firstborn, middle child, only child, baby of the family or somewhere in between) powerfully influences who you are, whom you will marry, what profession you will choose, the kind of friend you will be and of course the type of parent you will be.

What I love about this book is that it has given me some interesting insights to myself and why I am the way I am based on where I fit in the context of my own family (which incidentally is the younger of 2 girls). It has shed some light on how and why I relate to others the way I do and what roles I often find myself in, in life, work, friendships etc. This book has also highlighted some of the ingrained tendencies I seem to have adopted as a result of the role I have taken on in response to my birth order.

Are you a firstborn child? A middle child or the baby of the family? Are you a twin, part of a blended family or in a family that has experienced a significant trauma/tragedy? All of these variations are covered in the book giving insights into families of every shape and size.

It would be impossible to do the book justice in just one post so I’m going to do a series of posts on this topic – so stay tuned. Like with anything of this nature, it won’t be a perfect fit for everyone nor does it claim to be but in reading it and reflecting on the people in my world….I have to say it’s a pretty good gauge with a few exceptions of course.

Part 1 of the series will be posted in the coming week looking at Firstborns…..all the firstborns reading this will naturally be pleased that we’re looking at YOU first as you’re used to having a lot of attention paid to you! For those of you who aren’t firstborns, you of course will have an older sibling and possibly friends and colleagues that fit this title so stay tuned for an interesting read.

In any case I’d love to hear your thoughts over the next few weeks on whether you think shoe fits as they say…..